There are several men throughout the course of history who have become famous for their hilariously psychotic personalities, and while many may come to mind, I am not talking about Ed Gein. Silly Edward, people can’t be furniture!

Gary Busey, man’s man, gentleman of questionable mental health, and overall badass. Few actors are given a chance to be in such a diverse array of films, most notably the best film ever created, Predator 2.

He will abusey your levels of cool.

Hypothetical Situation: I am presented with two options:
A) Sit in a throne made of solid fucking platinum while lesbians feed me grapes and wine from the skulls of your children.
B) See a Predator 3 created this year.

It would be absolutely no contest in any way, but there must be several conditions:

1. Gary Busey must play himself throughout the entire movie (Predator would indefinitely be played by Nicholas Cage)

And you thought Ghost Rider was good? Just you wait!

2. There will be no logical product placement in the movie. God dammit I fucking hate it when James Bond is shaving with a Gillete razor or actors mutter the phrase “Oh hold on I’ll just Google it”
NO NO NO A MILLION TIMES NO
Busey will be drinking Colt 45 malt liquor throughout the entire movie, and during important plot relevant conversations, he will be brushing his teeth with Arm & Hammer Extended Whitening toothpaste.
Predator will be allowed to take several Tylenol Extra Strength after an especially taxing battle with Busey

3. Predator must be foiled only by Busey succesfully poisoning him with over-the-counter cough medication (preferrably something with a high concentration of dextromethorphan). Imagine Predator slowly dieing while explaining to Gary Busey why the Spanish inquisition should be a flavor of ice cream
Taking advantage of Predator’s altered consciousness, Busey would then drive a flaming motorcycle straight through Predator’s dick. Confetti will explode out of Predator’s head as Busey dangerously swerves the motorcycle to a dramatic stop. He winks at the camera as a hawk lands on his shoulder. A crowd of well-dressed party-goers would then suddenly emerge from the surrounding area and begin clapping. Champagne is handed out en masse and our hero sweeps his love interest into his arms (also played by Gary Busey).
As he smiles, he sticks Predator’s head on the front of his motorcycle like some sick prehistoric totem, revs up the bike with his lady on the back, zooms out into the sun, and then brilliantly explodes into fireworks. As the partygoers cry, it slowly turns to feelings of extreme discomfort as they slowly get the feeling that Busey is watching them from inside their own veins. Next sequel?

END SCENE

If you don’t agree with this magnificent sequel, I’m sure Gary Busey will be glad to punch you in every testicle you own (my condolences Tom Green).

Just that man’s teeth is enough to carry a film. You could even make a fourth Lord of The Rings titled “The 24 Towers” (32 If you count molars, but molars are rarely impressive). It could all be shot with high definition microscopic cameras in Busey’s mouth to show how his superior immune system defends his jawline against sugar, coffee stains, and Hepatitis C.

Oh, and you thought your band name was cool? Busey played drums in “The Rubber Band”, which is probably the most genius band name since “Stickshift Abortion.” Get the fuck out of here with your “genius” ideas. I swear to god if you shit eating little Alternative Rockers come out with another band like, “Finger Eleven” I will personally book the band “Bodies in the Gears of the Apparatus” to come to your show and surgically remove your vertebrae with pure death metal and then vomit blood down your eye sockets.

If you’re still questioning this:

Young Busey even had a rainbow pointing towards his crotch.