A Perspective from the Male Mind:

Phase 1: Suspect
You know, she’s always hanging out with that guy Larry. I wonder what the deal is. I’m starting to get nervous. They have been to the disco together every Tuesday. How come he gets to go to girls-night-out, yet I don’t? That’s really not fair. She must be fucking him. That has to be it. They have so many inside jokes. He must be inside her. Right now.

Phase 2: O RLY?
What’s that? Larry’s gay? Oh… haha…. of course… right… his love for Kiss Me, Kate makes sense now.

Phase 3: Take Advantage
Oh hey, Cindy, go hang out with Larry, yeah, have a great time! Whenever you’re thinking of hanging out with Bill or Butch, why don’t you just hang out with Larry instead, you guys are such great friends!

BRB.

I BELIEVE IN HAPPINESS AGAIN!

Phase 4: Come Home from Epic Mountain Trip Early
and find out she has been boning Bill and Butch the entire time. I really should have suspected this considering “Bill and Butch” sound like either hitmen, or guys that fuck your girlfriend.

Now I know what you might be thinking, handjobs are the one thing that is specifically worse than sex, therefore you immediately ruined the integrity of this website.

That’s where you’re wrong. Stupid and wrong.

Chances are if you use the Internet, you spend all of your time fapping (masturbating). What if someone else could fap (masturbate) for you? Then your hands are free to do all kinds of things. Handjobs are the Bluetooth of intercourse. Unlike sex where you have to exhaust all of your effort into plumbing (‘gina fapping), handjobs allow you to multitask, freeing up that arm to do new and exciting things, like fly a kite or fencing. I mean sure, when you’re jerking it you still have that other arm free to do things like arm wrestle or play Yahtzee, but c’mon, who wants to play board games with that guy who’s always cumming everywhere.

And c’mon, fencing.
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